The kind of stuff that gives me eyelid twitch

textingA conversation on the way home from school:

Mom, I was texting with some total stranger today.

<pause>

Who … I thought you weren’t supposed to text at school.

It was at lunch. She thought I was someone else.
She was all: “Heyyy :).”
Turns out she thought I was her cousin.
Some guy named Mason.

Did you give her any personal information?

No, mom, she just had a wrong number.
But wouldn’t believe me
when I told her I wasn’t her cousin.
So I gave the phone to Deano.

What’d Deano do?

He asked her to bring food. She said okay.

She’s going to bring you food?

Yeah, and I asked her to bring food for Deano, too.
She’s going to bring us both food.

Jack, seriously, I don’t want you texting strangers.
Wait, did she give you her name?

Nope. But we’re going to call her Margaret.
Margaret with the food.

How do you know she’s a girl?
How do you know she’s not some pedophile profiling you?

Mom, I told you, she said “heyyy :)” with three Ys and a smiley face…
No guy does that.

****

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